All Things Davis: Equipped

This summer, Troy and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. What a beautiful ten years, with so many seasons and stories.

Ten years ago, we talked about how we would return to our honeymoon spot this summer. A trip to Mexico to reveal in honeymoon memories, would be a must.

And then we fell even harder, deeper, crazier in love ..

with these two littles.

We both tried to plan a fun trip away to celebrate our tenth anniversary, but just couldn't get our hearts there. Every time I would wonder if I could talk myself into it, Troy would say that he wasn't ready to leave them, and vice versa. Being away from our babies for several days just isn't for us, yet. At least not in this current season of life.

Oh how grateful I am that our hearts are equally weak in this department. The Lord knew what we needed in one another.

But what is for us is knowing that we want to put us, first. As hard as it is to do sometimes....we know that it has to come before Walt and Juliet. They will bear the fruits of our marriage in more ways than one.

So while we may not have been beach side in Mexico... we were just where our hearts wanted to be. Together... taking a day for only us, no babies...

but close enough to return to tuck them into bed that night. ; )

We left early that day and took a beautiful drive through the Indiana countryside. We took the back way.... the extra long way... as to soak up more alone time, more conversation... more us.

We eventually arrived to West Baden, and spent the day touring its resort and grounds.

The resort was beautiful..... but I think any place would have been on this day. It was such a sweet time for us. Time to hold onto one another, love on one other, and get lost in just us. It's hard to hold hands and snuggle while out and about these days. Our hands are normally full of diaper bags, blankies, sippy cups... all while pushing a stroller. But on this day, we only had one another to hold onto.

We spent much of the day talking about the last ten years and the gift it has been. And like parents often end up doing on dates... we talked so much about our children.

It was a simple, yet special day for us.

When it comes to my marriage and my babies, my conversations with Jesus often leave me weepy. Being a wife and a mother is so... heavy. It's the most precious and most important thing that I have ever done or ever will do. But as joyous and incredible as this role is.. it's also what will bring me to my knees the most.

I usually tuck my babies in with such a joyful heart. That last chat and cuddle of the day with them is my very favorite time. I leave their rooms feeling content and grateful.

But I often return a couple of hours later with so much vulnerability and weakness before the Lord. At times, I find myself begging him to equip me to raise these sweet babies. If only it was just about fun birthday parties and coordinating smocked outfits. If only it was just about story time and fort building and all of the fun and innocence that these years bring. If it was only this... I would be golden. Because I've got this stuff. At times, quite well.

But oh how weak and unequipped I often feel when I know that my role as a mother is so much more than all of the sweet, easy, things. How humbling it is, when I remember that above all, I want to raise Kingdom builders, with bold, big hearts for the Lord. When I know that above anything I could ever give them, or do for them...beyond everything that we think (or the world tells us) makes us a good mother, I want them to see and know my love for Jesus, first.

When I ask to be equipped to love them in this way... is when my weakness is revealed. It's a humbling prayer, to say the least.

Our culture is (unfortunately) so quick to define what being a good, or not so good mother is. It's constantly in our eye, and therefore on our hearts. I often wonder why we don't feel this pressure when it comes to being a wife. Not that I think we should, the advice/pressure of culture and society is often the downfall for such topics. But it does make me wonder why our role as a spouse is brushed aside, with much less significance placed. We pour so much into our children (guilty), constantly absorbing (or heading off!) the "advice" on their lives. But when it comes to our spouse, we're often lackluster.

And is there any earthly thing more passionate than marriage? I can't think of anything more beloved.

My day with Troy to celebrate year ten had me feeling all the feels! It was exciting to feel that young fresh love without interruption, but I was also reminded of how love looks and feels in this season. Just as my children do, my husband needs me to be the hands and feet of Jesus for him. To love and honor and serve him, to cover him in prayer.

At the end of the day, we as women are usually, done. Spent. Finished. No matter what season of life you're in. Whether you've spent the day changing diapers and training littles, or maybe you don't have children but have given your whole day (and self) to your job... or like so many I know... you do it all... full time mom, full time job (society's true heroes!). No matter who or what it is you're giving to.... the end of the day means little is left of you. When I see my tired husband at the end of the evening... I often have to ask the Lord to equip me. It's so tempting to sink into a tv show, or Etsy browsing, or a podcast.....to do anything but, give more of me. But oh how blessed and refreshed I am, when I instead, give to Troy. When I take on the stresses of his day through a long talk, or sit with him while he works on a project, or fix him a snack. Simple things. And the same goes for him. When he comes home after a long day, and tells me to go take a bubble bath, while he plays with the babies. These simple acts of selflessness sweeten both of our tired hearts, and leave both of us wanting to give even more.

I share this not to bore you to death (though I'm convinced I've failed there), but so that I'll one day read this and know how sweet every stage of marriage is. To remember how thrilling and exciting year one was.... and yet how sweet, selfless and giving year ten was. To remember how a simple "do you need anything," was a huge act of love in this current season. To remember how in year ten, I loved him even more than before... how I felt even more connected to him. Bringing children into the marriage truly reveals your partnership in every way. And isn't it special how you can go from traveling and big adventures in the beginning, to cuddled up in bed to a late night political show (and a bowl of ice cream) in year 10.... but with both feel.. "my goodness...life is so good."

And also, I want to remember how my prayer life has changed over the ten years of marriage. How they were once a "please let Troy match with residency.... please help me to pass my boards.... please let our offer on the house be accepted..."

to...

"Lord....more than ever before, I need you. There are no big life events, or big changes occurring, and yet I need you so so much. This, right here, right now, is my most precious, most important .....most vulnerable time yet. I've never before wanted to be so good at something. But I can't do this without you. I will be terrible if I go at it alone. I will fall short. Take my life, and this role, and use it to your glory. Equip me....please equip me. All of me. Remind me that first, before any other role, I'm your daughter. I'm so grateful for your peace...and your sovereign grace, through my weakness. Thank you for your promises."

Ten years ago, you could not have convinced me that I would ever be on my knees so much over something so joyous and wonderful. But..